Marriage Series: Remain In God’s Love
This is the next message in my marriage series “Two Are Better Than One.” In my last post, I shared how we need each other. Today, I want to focus more importantly on how much we need God.
Jesus said:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:5-11
Jesus instructs us to remain in Him and remain in His love because apart from Him we can do, not some things, but absolutely “nothing!” The first five years of my marriage, my husband and I did not have a relationship with Christ. We were not connected to the vine, so we were not able to bear any fruit to help our marriage grow as God intended it to. We were like a branch that was thrown away and withered, picked up by the world and burned. We had no life to sustain our marriage.
Once we started seeking Christ, and God poured His love into our hearts, He began producing fruit and bringing life into our marriage. God worked many miracles in our marriage that first year of seeking Him. One miracle was He completely took away my jealously and insecurity. My husband and I used to have horrible fights. Walls would get punched out. Things would get broken. Sentimental items would get destroyed. My husband even ended up in the hospital once after hurting himself from one of our fights. My parents moved into our old apartment complex recently and my husband and I were just recounting all the walls we had to patch then. We praise God those intense fights ceased completely once He began to pour His love into our hearts.
Jesus said to remain in Him and His love so that His joy would be in us and our joy would be made complete. Several years ago, my husband was feeling guilty for not being the husband he felt he needed to be. He felt convicted when he thought about our daughter and how he would want her husband to be. At the time, I was experiencing a fresh revelation of God’s love and was overflowing with joy. As my husband was saddened by all the things he did and didn’t do, I encouraged him that I already had all I needed. I was content because God’s love was more than enough to fill me. I didn’t need anything else.
Even now, when I allow the busyness of life to get in the way of my relationship with Christ, I begin to lose my joy and see it affect my marriage. When I am on fire for Christ, and I feel His love, nothing my husband does wrong matters to me. The joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). We can battle anything in life when we are in God’s love and His joy is complete in us. All our faults and our spouses’ faults don’t matter when we are filled with a revelation of God’s love.
And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
Ephesians 1:22-23
If you are not fulfilled and satisfied with your marriage, I encourage you to ask God for a fresh revelation of His love. Remain in Jesus and His joy will be made complete in you.Â
Heavenly Father,
We praise You for sending Jesus to fill us in every way. Help us to remain in Jesus so we can bear much fruit to strengthen and bring life to our marriages. Give us a fresh revelation of Your love so we can be content and not need our spouses to change in order to make us happy. Fill us in every way with Your love so that Your joy will be made complete in us.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen!
*My marriage series will end this Monday. You can read more about my marriage testimony and how to enjoy your marriage in my book “You Can Have a Happy Family: Steps to Enjoying Your Marriage and Children” (available in paperback, ebook, & audio format).
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Posted in Marriage Series, Monday's Blogs and tagged Ecclesiastes 4, Ecclesiastes 4:9, God, God's love, Holy Spirit, husbands, Jesus, love, marriage, Marriage series, Two are better than one, wives, You Can Have a Happy Family by Amanda Beth with
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Marriage Series: “Wisdom Builds the House” by Warren Baldwin
I invited Warren Baldwin to share the next message in my marriage series. Warren and his wife, Cheryl, have been married for 31 years. Together they have ministered with churches in Florida, Wyoming and Kansas. They enjoy Bible camps, mission trips and sports activities. They have three grown children. Â Warren is the author of a book on Proverbs, Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks, and other Gems from Proverbs. A second volume on Proverbs is nearing completion.
Warren was one of the first bloggers I met when I first started my blog in 2010. I was drawn to Warren’s blog “Family Fountain” because of the strong love he has for his wife and children. He lives by the wisdom God has given us in His Word, and his family is blessed because of it. I pray Warren’s message today encourages us to seek God for His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding in our marriages.
Wisdom Builds the House
By Warren Baldwin
“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.†Proverbs 24:3-4
The wisdom God calls for in building a home has already been at work in building the universe. “By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew†(Proverbs 3:19-20).
God’s wisdom was and is active in two ways in the universe we inhabit. One, he established the earth and the heavens. He initiated, formed and made everything we see in the created order. Two, God sustains the creation he made. The clouds drop the dew to sustain life upon the earth. Initiating and sustaining are two important works of godly wisdom.
Solomon invokes this creation imagery when he speaks of marriage and family. The wisdom of God that created and sustains the universe is the same wisdom that can create and sustain a marriage through many years and changing conditions.
Bruce Waltke identifies some of the qualities of godly wisdom as “sobriety, sound judgment, discretion, careful planning, hard work, patience, and all the other virtues taught in Proverbs …†(Proverbs, 1:261). Some of these other virtues are love, truth, honesty, dedication and determination. Surely God has shown these qualities to us in abundance since our creation! When are in relationship with God, these positive virtues become active in our lives, and we function with god-like discretion, patience, honesty and love.
When these qualities of wisdom are present in the lives of a couple forming their family, they establish a firm basis and foundation for the family, just as they do for the universe. The sound judgment of God, his careful planning, hard work, love, dedication and determination not only produced the grandeur of the mountain ranges and oceans, but produced and continue to produce human beings, families, and social systems. Life, marriage and family are the product of God’s wisdom.
I don’t want the talk of careful planning and work to rob joy from the early days of marriage. Every couple should experience the ecstasy of their beginning walk together. The newness and excitement create memories and a bond to spice up the relationship for many years. But spice is not the substance of a meal, and neither is it the substance of life-long marital relationship. For a marriage to endure and provide stability and healthy emotions for everyone in the household, it must be created and sustained by wisdom.
A marriage built on wisdom is going to require discretion, both before and after the wedding. Discretion is used when we decide who to date and how far to go in expressing affection. Discretion is used after marriage in our choice of friendships (we want friends who honor our marriage and mate), money management, conversation with our spouse, and a host of other things.
Eventually, every married person is going to have to do the hard work of forgiving their spouse for an offense. We will also have to accept grace from our spouse, and humbling ourselves to receive forgiveness without excuses, justifications or rationalizations can be gut-wrenchingly tough.
When we marry we dedicate ourselves to an imperfect person. In time we will discover their personality quirks and character defects, requiring us to summon massive reserves of patience and understanding. Marriage will succeed not because the joy and ecstasy of the early stages of romance is a daily companion, but because of the determination to be a faithful companion no matter what the circumstances.
Every ingredient of godly wisdom described here are also ingredients of tough love, a love that continues to forgive, encourage and persevere when it would be easier to walk away. To practice this kind of love and wisdom is to live “within that broad scope of the Lord’s wisdom†(Waltke, 1:261). That kind of wisdom has sustained human life since the creation, and it will sustain our marriages and families.
People seeking and functioning within godly wisdom resist the shortcuts to happiness and fulfillment the world offers. An example of such a short cut occurs in Proverbs 1:10-19, in the story of the foolish young men who greedily seek to fill their houses with treasures stolen by violence from innocent people. Their community is built on the foundation of selfish pursuits, and will end in the destruction of their lives.
In contrast, the godly couple who exercises the ingredients of wisdom are allowing their family to be created and sustained by solid principles of wisdom that have proven their effectiveness over time. Instead of filling their rooms with stolen treasures obtained by violent means, wise couples fill the rooms of their homes with “rare and beautiful treasures.†These special treasures are the fruit of a lifetime of careful living: trust in each other, healthy romance, and enjoyment of each other’s company. Nothing is more meaningful to a couple who has journeyed through life together.
Every couple that walks the aisle is hoping to create a marriage that lasts. It is good for us to remember that the wisdom of God that created and sustains the universe is ready to do the same for our families.
Warren Baldwin
*You can follow Warren and read more messages on marriage on his blog Family Fountain.
Posted in Guest Bloggers, Marriage Series and tagged God, Holy Spirit, husbands, Jesus, marriage, Marriage series, Two are better than one, Warren Baldwin, wisdom, wives by Amanda Beth with
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Marriage Series: We Need Each Other
This is the third message in my marriage series “Two Are Better Than One.†Follow this link if you missed the last two messages. Last Monday, I shared how my husband and I first met, and how it took God over a year to draw my husband’s heart to mine. We were married on July 20, 1996, less than a year after my husband asked me to officially be his girlfriend (July 21, 1995). We originally planned on waiting another year to have a big wedding. But with some division between our families regarding the financing, we decided to get married that year with a small wedding and reception.
Looking back now, I believe God led us to get married that year, because I don’t think we would’ve made it another year. The night before our wedding we got into a big fight and didn’t talk to each other until we met at the altar the next day. I never imagined “I’m Sorry!” would be the first words I’d say to my fiancé at the altar on our wedding day.
After our ceremony, we had a reception at my parent’s house. It was nice until a few family members showed up intoxicated and started brawling with each other. Annoyed, my husband and I left to escape to our small, newly rented one bedroom apartment. Â When we got to our new home, we opened our cards and counted the cash we received to see if we had enough money to pay our bills and take a honeymoon. After putting aside money for our bills, we had only three hundred dollars left to go camping up north along Lake Michigan.
Though we didn’t have a perfect wedding and reception, and camping wasn’t our dream honeymoon, we were excited to start our new life together. As I shared last week, my husband and I separately accepted Christ at Vacation Bible camps when we were kids. But because we didn’t seek Christ further, and have a relationship with Him, we unknowingly were an open target for the devil. After our honeymoon, it didn’t take long to reap the effects of living without Christ, as our insecurities, hurts and past relationships began to affect our marriage.
The devil knew our pain and weaknesses. He knew we followed the ways of the world and not God. He knew which situations to lead us into to bury us deeper into sin. He knew which bait we’d take that would lead us into his trap. And for the first five years of our marriage, he did everything he could to try and split us apart.
The devil wants to split up our marriages because he knows God’s ultimate plan is to transform us and glorify Christ in us. It’s a lot easier to knock us down and keep us down when we are separated and don’t have each other to lean on for support.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
When a couple has Christ in their marriage, they have strength and knowledge to stand up against the devil’s attacks, because greater is He that is in them than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). My husband and I had no knowledge that we had an unseen enemy pursuing to take us down. We saw each other as the enemy. In our eyes, the only way to resolve our conflict was to get away from each other.
Thankfully my husband feared divorce. He didn’t want to be the first in his family to get a divorce. So he made up his mind that he would do whatever it took to stay together. My husband’s commitment to our marriage gave God time to pour His love into our hearts, and lead us out of the devil’s trap and into a relationship with Christ
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:1-10
God has a specific plan for each of us in Christ. He’s given us our spouses to help fulfill His plan. We need each other more than we often realize. Even though God gives my husband and me different works to do, we need each other to accomplish those works. For example, since God called me to write, He has blessed my husband’s job and brought him increase to provide for me to publish and give away books to those He has prepared in advance to receive. My husband isn’t called to write. And I am not called to be our financial provider. But we need each other in order to accomplish God’s will for our lives. Without my husband, I wouldn’t be able to continue publishing books. Without me, my husband wouldn’t be reaping the blessings and increase in his work.
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Ephesians 4:19
God has a plan for you and your spouse. You need each other to fulfill that plan, even if you don’t see your spouse seeking God’s will. When my husband and I came to know Christ, I had a deeper passion for seeking God than my husband did. I’d often complain to God that my husband was a hindrance to my growth since he wasn’t as committed to following Christ as I thought I was. God eventually showed me how instrumental my husband is in my growth, and how instrumental I am in his growth. God uses my husband’s weaknesses to work things out of me, and He uses my weaknesses to work things out of him. God uses my husband’s strengths to strengthen me, and He uses my strengths to strengthen my husband.
God uses our weakness to draw us closer to our spouses. Satan uses our weaknesses to lure us away from our spouses. God uses our strengths to support our spouses. Satan uses our strengths to convince us we are better off without our spouses. Knowing that we need our spouses, and they need us, should encourage us to stand firm in our faith and not allow Satan to succeed in splitting us apart.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
1 Peter 5:8-9
Heavenly Father,
We praise You for giving us our spouses to accomplish Your will for our lives. Help us to stand against the devil’s attacks and not let him split us apart. Help us to stop viewing our spouses as our enemies. Continue to use their weaknesses and strengths to work in and strengthen us. And continue to use our weaknesses and strengths to work in and strengthen them.
In Jesus’ faithful name, we pray. Amen!
*My husband and I are giving two couples a $50 dinner gift card for Brinker restaurants (Can be used at Chili’s, On the Border, Macaroni Grill, or Maggiano’s) and a signed copy of my book “You Can Have a Happy Family – Steps to Enjoying Your Marriage and Children” If you live in the U. S., enter to win in the comment section below. Just leave your name and how long you’ve been married. The first winner will be announced on our wedding anniversary (July 20th). And the second winner will be announced on our dating anniversary (July 21st). Every marriage post that you comment on through July 19th you will receive an additional entry into the drawing.
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Posted in Marriage Series and tagged devil, divorce, Ecclesiastes 4:9, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, marriage, marriage problems, Marriage series, newlyweds, Satan, Two are better than one, unity by Amanda Beth with
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Marriage Series: “Scrambled Yoke” by Kerry Johnson
This is the second post in my marriage series “Two Are Better Than One.” Remember, if you live in the U. S., every marriage post that you comment on through July 19th, you will receive an entry into a drawing for a $50 Brinker Restaurant gift card (can be used at Chili’s, On the Border, Macaroni Grill, or Maggiano’s) and my book “You Can Have a Happy Family: Steps to Enjoying Your Marriage and Children). Two winners will be announced. One on July 20th and the other on July 21st.
Monday, I shared how God first drew my husband’s and my heart together. My dear friend, Kerry Johnson, and I have similar stories of when we first met our spouses. Today, she’s shares how God drew her heart away from an unequally yoked relationship, and drew her heart to the one God had chosen for her, Trevor Johnson.
SCRAMBLED YOKE
by Kerry Johson
“Can I break the egg?â€Â Chase was already pulling the kitchen chair toward the counter’s edge as I ripped open the brownie box. Of our two children, Chase is more interested in trying different foods and participating in the baking and cooking process. I’m not a particularly fancy cook, but our seven-year old enjoys assisting as I mix flour, eggs, sugar, oil, and anything else on the recipe card.
He especially loves to break eggs.
The recipe called for one large egg, and it lolled around the counter, drawing my younger son’s eyes and hands in quick order.
“I want to see the yellow part. What’s it called again?â€
“The yolk.â€
He smiled and repeated the word, his pink lips puckering up around the ‘y’ and the hard consonant ending sound. Chase was born with an abundance of exuberance, and his hands shook as he cracked the shell and split it into the mixing bowl with the water and oil.
Later, I thought about that funny-sounding word Chase had inquired about. Not the yellow, laid-by-a-chicken version, but the other spelling – yoke. The farming word that evokes images of two oxen plowing a field, their combined, identical strength accomplishing what two mismatched animals could not. As a verb, it means to be united together or joined with something else, in order to accomplish something.
In the Bible, the word ‘yoked’ is pointedly placed in Paul’s second letter to the church in Corinth.
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?†2 Corinthians 6:14
Paul received disheartening news about the church he had founded in the famously pagan city of Corinth. Believers were behaving irresponsibly and immaturely, and Paul’s letters were intended to pull them back to the gospel – Jesus Christ’s finished work on the Cross - and to God’s best for their lives. Paul instructed the Corinthian Christians that they were not to take God’s grace and run back to sin, reminding them, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new†(2 Corinthians 5:17).
A few verses later, Paul reminds them – and us - that Christians “are the temple of the living God…Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord†(6:16 & 17).
The wisdom Paul shared with the sin-saturated Corinthian church – and us –  wasn’t meant to give Christ-followers a superiority complex or to make our lives miserable. Instead, it was given for our protection and out of love, because our Creator knows what is best for us.
That’s worth repeating over and over…God knows what is best for us.
In my early 20s, I learned firsthand why Paul warned of this very thing. Testing the truth of 2 Corinthians 6:14, I stepped into a relationship with a non-believer. Trevor and I had dated during the latter part of our teenage years, but we were weren’t ready to get married, and at 21 we broke up. Shortly after I began walking a rebellious path, yoking myself to a person who didn’t share my faith in Jesus Christ. He considered himself agnostic, and it took only a couple of months of dating before our foundational faith differences overflowed.
We were sharing a scrambled yoke.
The longer I dated him, the more stifling the burden became. He didn’t understand or appreciate the burden I carried for sharing my faith with him, which created a root of bitterness in me. There was a huge part of my heart that he would never identify with, and my soul struggled with his worldly leanings. Our earthly common ground was negated by the vast spiritual gulf between us. We were unbalanced – mismatched in the yoke God intended only for two believers.
2 Corinthians 6:14 is heavenly wisdom that sets boundaries intended to protect Christ-followers. A scrambled, unequal yoke will create cracks in the foundation of the family, which is His specific, loving design for His creation. Because the family – built upon a marriage between one man and one woman – is God’s best for His creation.
God knows what is best for us.
Eventually, the vast differences between this young man and I created enough dissension that the relationship dissolved. I pray for him and wish him well, and I learned that being unequally yoked with an unbeliever will lead me away from where I want to be in my relationship with Christ and bring only heartache and frustration. No amount of emotional love or sinful desire is worth that.
I praise God for His grace and mercy during my wayward years, and that I’m now equally yoked with my wonderful hubby.
“Even so the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should live from the gospel.â€
~ 1 Corinthians 9:14
Kerry Johnson lives in sunny Tampa Bay with her loud and very ticklish family. Patient hubby Trevor and their two boys, Cole and Chase, give the best hugs ever. She’s been published in Sanctified Together, Granola Bar Devotionals, and Tampa Bay’s Overflow Magazine, and her first novel semi-finaled in the American Christian Fiction Writer’s Genesis Contest in spring 2013. She has her Bachelor of Science in English Education and enjoyed seven blessed years as a stay-at-home wife and mom. She’s passionate about her family, reading and writing, exercise and chocolate (not necessarily in that order), and especially sharing the love of Jesus through her writing at http://candidkerry.wordpress.com/.
*Remember to enter to win the gc and book by leaving a comment below. Share how God drew you and your spouse’s hearts together.
*To celebrate this marriage series, the ebook version of my book “You Can Have a Happy Family” is free at Amazon today through Sunday (7/5-7/7).
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Posted in Guest Bloggers, Marriage Series and tagged becoming one, Ecclesiastes 4, God, Holy Spirit, husbands, Jesus, Kerry Johnson, love, marriage, Marriage series, spouses, Two are better than one, unequally yoked, wives, You Can Have a Happy Family by Amanda Beth with
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